We’ve all been there. Challenged with embracing the dark side of being human.
We don’t want to feel the excruciating pain of loneliness, sadness or depression.
We certainly don’t want to deal with other people and have them pity us when we feel so weak.
I’ve walked the path my friends, and I’ve found the other side. So that makes today your lucky day!
I am here to give you a head start on the path to help you learn how to be happy again.
It’s time to enlighten the gloom, and not fear the dark.
Attachment: Just Let it Go.
“Let it go.” It’s a simple phrase and it also scares the hell out of people. Except letting it go is not your identity, it’s your attachment to how you think your circumstances should be.
I’m here to let you know you can stay true to yourself and let go of how you think life is for you.
The truth is you are letting things go so you can find out how to be happy again.
Previously, you have let things go that ARE working, so let’s look at what you should let go of instead and then address what to do.
I know, it takes a lot of time to do nothing.
We procrastinate and fumble through all the things we are supposed to do.
We also avoid all the people who would be a great benefit to be around. Suddenly, we have nothing to do.
Usually this results in boredom, lots of sleep, ignoring phone calls and ultimately depression.
Sounds like a great plan, right?
We stuff our feelings so deep inside of ourselves, there is a ten-foot-thick brick wall around us. We don’t let anyone in and then they quit trying.
You know I’m only saying this because I have experienced it, don’t you?
I’m no stranger to the dark.
This didn’t work for me and I’m certain it’s not working for you so why not just go do something…anything will do.
Take yourself on a date, go to the beach or anywhere in nature, that’s the good stuff in life…and it’s free.
Overthinking and Worrying.
Has overthinking or worrying ever done you any good anyway? When you are working to find out how to be happy again, I would bet not.
As humans we like to think that this gives us a strategy that we can attach ourselves to.
We will have certainty and we will control the outcome if we scheme, organize and plan it down to the T.
I’m all for having a goal in mind and going for it, but that’s not what we are talking about and you know it.
We are talking about the useless time you waste.
You want to be right about the uselessness that continues to be the story you are telling about yourself, your circumstances and others in your life.
Take a breath and just relax for a second.
I’m sure things have happened to you in your life that are detrimental to your wellbeing, however what if that’s just the way you are telling your story? No disrespect intended.
We get attached to things and attachment causes suffering.
If you were a bit more fluid with your thoughts, things could change. What do I mean by fluid?
Everyone has thoughts, and they come out of the oblivion sometimes, we as humans dissect them and them invite them to spend an eternity with us. We interpret them as factual data.
So, let them go as easily as they come, like water on the river, it always flows.
Thinking you don’t have what it takes.
Guess what? Did you know every person who has walked this earth has had thoughts like this?
And yes, I get it, you aren’t them. You are even better. You are YOU!
There is no replication of you on this planet and you have such gifts to offer this world. Comparison is a useless state of mind.
Let people inspire you. Don’t be threatened by their greatness. Instead, allow it to make you dig deep and realize your own.
You are depriving the world of your significance by hiding and participating in life, as if you are not meaningful.
At this point in life we get to be brutally honest, you are lying to yourself. You have been for a long time.
You get to stop playing it safe and start showing up for yourself and the rest of us.
Do you realize that you could be THE human being who was created to aide this planet into evolving us to live with world peace?
Ok, that may seem farfetched. Then again, anything and everything will if you don’t start telling yourself something better.
You’ve got this, now share it with the rest of us and show us the happiness from within.
Uncertainty about how to be happy again.
There are a lot of misconceptions about being happy!
You can have a great experience, or you can have the one you are having.
The choice is yours, between your thoughts and beliefs you are responsible for how you perceive life. Your fear of the unknown could be all that’s holding you back.
Let’s put on a new set of glasses and see if we can read the fine print.
Don’t mistake pain for who you are.
We take everything personally and make assumptions so often that it leads to a lot of upset.
We get hurt and then begin to victimize ourselves because we can’t believe what has happened to us.
That is extremely heavy weight.
Believe me when I tell you we carry it wherever we go, and other people notice it.
The truth is things happen, it’s part of being human. Not a soul on this Earth doesn’t have a story that they could tell you and you wouldn’t feel sorry for them.
However, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, the people you admire and look to for advice don’t hold on to the grief of an unfair or unwanted circumstance.
They don’t mistake those experiences for who they are, and why would they?
Their success rate is 100% in life, and if you are reading this, so is yours.
You might be asking “How?”
If you are still here, you’ve made it. There’s nothing else to do and you are already aware. Just move on.
Shame is familiar to a lot of us. Feeling like everything about you is wrong.
Some of us feel like there is nothing we can do right, like we will never be good enough. If we don’t look this way or talk that way, then we are bad and wrong.
Shame comes from being blind to your lack of self-love. Shame creates resistance and aversion to yourself.
You CAN beat shame by surrendering to what is and accepting yourself.
We are humans, we all make mistakes and there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you learn from those mistakes.
There is opportunity in every moment and life is always teaching you about yourself and how you need to grow.
I’d love to tell you to just “do” one thing or another and you could figure it all out. The truth is it takes practice.
You have built a shame muscle, then again don’t think that it can’t be diminished.
You can’t push against something to make it go away, you must find the opposite of it and increase that muscle instead.
Likely you will always feel shame, and with a new level of self-love, the shame muscle won’t get as much attention when it spasms.
Help yourself by helping others.
I know you see the category this is under, right? Uncertainty.
This is a gentle reminder for those of you who dive ten feet deep into taking care of others only to avoid your own circumstances.
What this really means, to me, is when you encounter someone with a similar situation to you. You connect based on your commonality, then inevitably as humans, we are called to love them.
In the message you deliver to them I encourage you to listen to what you need to hear.
We get to create safe spaces for each other as humans, we get to be vulnerable and authentic.
That’s scary for all of us, especially since most of us grew up thinking we had to be tough all the time and we weren’t allowed to feel.
I’m sure you are all aware in this day in age that we are all connected; therefore, there is no possibility of separation in our energies, only our physicality.
What can you do with that information to help to create a happier world?
Relax into a generous state of being as a giver, as a result this will help you to be a happier you.
It’s time to get out of your comfort zone and reach from the inside out finding everything you need to learn how to be happy again.
They say this is the key to all things in life.
I haven’t figured out who “they” are yet, and in my experience, “they” are correct.
I asked the question to my coach once, “How do I know if I’m present?”
I had this whole misconception about it and if I was doing it right.
She simply replied, “There is a difference in the way it feels, you’ll know the difference.”
Once I let that sink in, she was spot on. Here’s how I saw the difference.
If you encounter an unfavorable circumstance while stuck in your thoughts, the experience it doesn’t feel good most of the time.
Furthermore, if you can be present to the circumstance, it will not affect you the same way, usually not at all.
There are no problems to solve or fix in the present moment and you can just be.
That’s not to say there isn’t something to do in those moments, however where you come from in your beingness will be the basis for your results.
Focus on growth and engage curiosity.
Here’s what I’d like you to focus on about growth… how can you know, what you don’t know? You don’t.
That may make it more difficult to engage curiosity than you first thought.
However, there is more to the story.
You can feed your mind and be curious about what you know and even what you don’t.
Being in the question of “What don’t I know?” while listening and learning will help your mind be inquisitive and find new ways to look at life.
We are always looking for ways to find support of the lies that we tell ourselves.
If that’s what you are searching for, that is surely what you will find.
When you question life from a curiosity standpoint then you may find your premise is not serving you. This alone will give you a new way to look at your circumstances.
Find meaning in what you do.
We often trudge through life just trying to get done everything that needs to be complete.
We rarely take the time to acknowledge our successes.
We are waiting for the one day when the balloons fall from the sky, our bank accounts look like rock stars and we are on the cover of a prestigious magazine.
That all sounds phenomenal, however, what do you think it takes for people to get there?
The little things they do every day lead to monster successes.
What I’m aiming at is that if you aren’t taking time to acknowledge yourself for the run you took, or even getting out of bed on time, why not?
And, do you really think that making tons of money or being a worldwide success is going to bring you a better feeling than what you have now?
I did an experiment in a course I once took, the instructor had us close our eyes and tune in to how we were feeling, then he said to us, “Being a millionaire feels exactly the same.”
That struck me hard. Try the experiment out for yourself. I’ll wait.
It doesn’t change who you are.
Be proud of your accomplishments, every single one. Don’t wait to find excitement in the big things that you are creating, the little ones likely have more depth and meaning.
This word is commonly misconstrued.
The definition states “to suffer with.”
To me, it means love in action.
A compassionate person can feel what another is experiencing and will love them through it.
We don’t suffer necessarily when we do that.
We just help the emotion (energy in motion) move through them.
As humans, most of us know how to do this for everyone else. Nevertheless, we hold onto that emotion for ourselves and don’t allow the energy to move.
In this case, we get stuck.
And, if we go back to the original definition, we are suffering with ourselves, this is not what we are interested in creating.
When you treat yourself as you would treat others you allow that energy to flow through you.
Then you will find love in action from within.
This is the only place love can come from, whether you are with others or alone, finding love from the inside out is a skilled practice.
The darkness teaches us lessons about our strength, endurance and develops our inner warrior.
We choose to live, or we choose to hide. We learn there is so much in our thoughts that keeps us believing that we aren’t happy.
Once you quiet those thoughts, quit worrying and stop doing nothing you are well on your way.
You can learn how to be happy again, it’s up to you to choose the path.
When you have reached your limit of what you know, reach out to me for coaching or purchase my Phoenix Program Workbook and let me help you find your path. When you are in the dark you should always connect to someone else’s light to help you illuminate the way.