We all have the illusion that in some way we can orchestrate everything so that it turns out for us.

And then life happens.

We try so hard to control all everything that’s going on so that we can protect ourselves from suffering.

This makes us suffer more.

How can that be with all the proper planning you do?

When you are attached to the outcome you get upset when things don’t go your way.

You attempt to force them more, then it still doesn’t work.

You try the same things again and again, knowing it will work this time.

I know you’ve heard the definition of insanity, right?

If you are ready to break free from this losing race, then I encourage you to read on my friends.

Recognize.

When you are amid a heated internal battle, it’s nearly impossible to recognize where you are headed.

Majority of the time, we don’t see the err of our ways until we have lost the war.

If you begin to pay attention you will see the signs and how your mind and body are signaling you.

This is a practice. It’s also the first sign of enlightenment.

You must really pay attention to know your triggers and stop trying to hide them.

Humans like to be right, and we want to be right about the way we have it in our minds.

We want to win constantly, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Although, I encourage you to choose your battles.

To have control is not worth losing your joy over, it’s wasted energy.

Energy I am sure you can apply to finding an alternate way for everyone to feel good, or win, regarding the circumstance.

Do your best to have awareness and recognize the thoughts that aren’t serving the good life you are meant to live.

Rejection.

I said it. The dirty word we all fear.

What you chose to get out of it is up to you.

Rejection continues with our want to be right, it’s the same, except it’s the opposite.

You don’t want to be less than because they don’t agree with you.

When someone tells you can’t have things your way, you feel rejected.

That’s a shot through our ego’s heart.

Ego does not like that.

How dare anyone tell me I’m wrong? You aren’t, the ego lies.

Then it tries to convince you that you need to stay safe, protect yourself and those thoughts make you angry.

Anger is a secondary emotion, usually stemming from fear or worry.

We worry that we look bad or that we are not good enough.

Sometime long ago we decided that if someone said no to us, we were bad, wrong and not enough.

I get rejected all the time, I’m human and that’s part of the experience.

Don’t take it personally.

What you focus on will expand, and when the ego says hurtful things like it sometimes does, I suggest you reject those thoughts.

Tell yourself that it will be alright, because life always turns out that way.

Reality.

Each person will have a different version of every experience.

That’s reality.

Our belief system paints the view of the world for us.

Being a coach, I have the pleasure of having clients share their reality with me.

When we are so dialed in to the way our reality is, we forget that other people have different versions.

I like to ask myself questions like, “How can I be wrong?” or “What don’t I know?”

This helps me to recognize that things look differently for me.

When I reality check right away, I don’t get caught up in being in control of the situation.

I sit back and observe the present moment and add whatever is needed.

Reality can change each moment; you don’t have to hang onto the way you think things should be.

Your reality can change, only when you let it.

Resistance.

In order to move forward you must not resist what is.

I have witnessed the more I force my ideas, the less I’m heard.

It’s almost as if I am pushing against life and life is a 4-ton ball that I’m wanting to get uphill.

Do you think I’m going to get very far? Doubtful.

I know that you have heard the saying “What you resist persists.”

If you resist relinquishing what you control you believe you have, life will show up.

And not necessarily how you want it to.

You ever notice how when one thing happens that you are challenged with and you focus on it, within a few days more similar circumstances come your way.

We always say things like “I can’t catch a break.” Or, “I don’t get it, I’m trying so hard.”

What we are doing is resisting what life is giving to us.

When life shows up this way you get to surrender.

Life shows us we don’t really have control.

We are along for the ride, there are highs and lows, excitement and disappointment and we get to experience it all.

Whether you resist it or not, it’s going to happen, so you might as well enjoy what you have.

Release.

Do you ever feel tension in your body when you are resistant to the loss of control?

That’s you hanging on to all the bad juju that comes with a negative experience.

This is where the walls are built to keep people out, protect yourself and guard your heart.

What a harmful practice that we engage in.

In order to protect ourselves we gear up for battle.

It’s a method of controlling our emotions, or so we think.

We still feel whatever emotion, and then we trap it inside ourselves.

Energy is meant to flow.

When we hold onto it, this is how illness starts in our bodies.

We literally make ourselves sick over our attempt to control feelings.

We practice this over and again.

We need to release this practice, release the trapped energy that pains our physical forms and release the emotions that come along with the pain.

In the future, I encourage you to accept when you feel these feelings, by being with them.

I promise they will be over soon.

In the process of acceptance, you will easily release the resistance which will change your reality so you don’t feel rejected and you can easily recognize you are letting go of control.

When you get stuck, because we all do, reach out for a free discovery call with me or you can purchase the Phoenix Program Workbook to help you on your way.

The purest form of enjoyment in my life comes from giving love straight from the heart in deep discussion with anyone who is open to exploring this world and sharing their reality with me.

I’d love for that to be you.